In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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