Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
