This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
