Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
