I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
