I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
