ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
