so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
