The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
