We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
