Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
