a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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