My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
