Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
