I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
