I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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