Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
