you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
