He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
