I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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