i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
