went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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