i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
