new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
