I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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