My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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