I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
this boner is exhausting
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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