Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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