Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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