Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
