tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
