You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
