hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
