did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
