I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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