If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
