Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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