I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
