i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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