ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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