take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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