Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
