Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
