I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
