If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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