"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
