Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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