he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
