Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
