Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
