Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
