The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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