She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
