I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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