I must be too annoying 4 u.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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