i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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